I was watching CNN this morning, soaking in the usual hard-hitting news stories (will Ted Turner and Jane Fonda ever reconcile? "She says she still loves you, Ted.") when up pops a story about pirates hijacking a Philippines chemical tanker.

I was all, PIRATES?  Today? As in, not a bazillion years ago?

I guess in some dark cupboard of my mind, back behind the cobwebs and the algebra, I sort of knew that pirates still existed. But honestly, I couldn't have been more surprised if they'd attributed this hijacking to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I mean pirates?  Really? A pirate is a two year old in a costume I bought at Target. Or a swarthy guy with a metal hook. Or a fantasy I have in which that delicious man biscuit Johnny Depp saunters into my ... never mind.  

My point is, it just seems like these modern day "career pirates" should be called something a little less sexy. Like, I don't know ... Crazy Terrorists with Machine Guns. On boats.

Or something.